I will learn to make decisions for myself...

Alot of stuff have really happened in my life recently... Had my first shepherding with H.L yesterday, it was really a very fruitful session. Leadership, I knew it was tough and challenging but never did I expect it to be so much deeper than what I thought. The qualities, characteristics which a leader should have, is indeed important, because it do affects the people whom the leader lead. I have gave myself a challenge, to be a leader like how Jesus whom minister to people, spreading the words of God and showing God's love through his actions.

Spiritual life, I have to be responsible for myself, no matter what kind of decisions I make, I will have to bear the consequences for myself. I have got alot of challenges recently, whether in spiritual life, family life or even my relationship.

Family life, I have actually thought of moving out but as I thought about it, it is really not as easy as what I thought. I have to thought of what will happen to my mum too, because I have to protect my mum from that jerk whom I really find it hard to love. However, it's a challenge to me, no matter how hard it is, I have to love the people around me. "Relationship is the basis for Discipleship," and when Jesus was with us 2000+ years ago, people failed him too but still he love the people.

No matter how bad he is, how much mistakes he have made, he is still a lost soul whom matters to God. Definitely, everyone will make mistakes, no one is perfect and I am not in the position to judge him either because ultimately only God have the rights to judge all of us. And no matter what he do, he will have to account to God for all that he have done in his life time.

Relationship, I am confused and stuck with the kind of decisions I should make. Knowing that letting go of the relationship, may be painful but perhaps she will be happier but still I find it hard because each time when I want to let go, something will definitely happen and it's something bad. Recently, I realized I am not as patient as before towards her, I could get angry over trivial matters, get abit impatient when she starts to drag abit or make me wait for some time. I have no idea why am I like this, but I know that absolutely, it is not because the love has faded away.

I am at the cross road, where I have to choose the kind of path I want to lead with her. The kind of vision I see, I guess is much clearer and I know what I want, inclusive the kind of situation we will be, 3 years or 5 years down the streets. We have very different kind of visions about life or even romance, preferences are like north and south pole. Music is my life while game is her life. After all these while, I guess she have showed me further where do I stand in her heart. I am hurt but I won't hide... I know that ultimately, I still have to decide for the kind of future we will both get involved in...