Insults...

I suppose I am really a gread baddie in the past, I regret alot about my past but there's no turning point. I dun know whether I am condemning myself or wad but alot of times, I feel so bad about myself especially about the stuff that I have done in my life.

7th of April marks the day I come to faith, time flies, 1 year le. I am a turning 1 year old in Christ and this is definitely something interesting but I dun know whether I feel excited about it or not. I came to faith after I was being psycho to go Church by a little girl who change my life completely and is now hiding in Youth Ministry of Hope. Through her, I see how God works on me and brought me to His arms and I am very thankful especially to have this girl in my life once again.

I learnt that everyone will face rejections, even Jesus faced when He came down to Earth to the people. It wasn't easy for Him but He trust that He should overcome evil with Love. And overcome evil with Love has being my biggest principle of life right now. Somehow, upon facing certain people, I find it hard to apply this principle. An person whom I mention in the previous entry, B, somehow, I seriously think that there's some problem with us. I tried to mend the relations between us, but the bondings between us has really caused alot of problems.

I guess if departure is the only solution for both of us, all I can do for her is to leave her before she leave me. At least, it will bring her lesser misery and she won't go through tat kind of struggles again. I know leaving me years ago, she had alot of struggles, and now, I know very well that she is having struggles about to tell me her feelings or not. Perhaps I am wrong in some areas, especially indecisive and flickering mindset but I have never meant to hurt anyone.

I suppose and I can really see myself being badly affected in alot of areas since Cassie's death, my temper got very bad, my patience got the minimum limit and just a little thing, if slightly provoked, I will just explode and start showing attitude and hurting people even my loved ones with my harshness. So far, quite alot of people has being hurt by my tantrum, Jasmine, Li Ping (at times) and some other friends, I really wanna apologize. I am sorry but I just couldn't control myself.

I dun like it too when I hurt people especially my loved ones, I hate myself for being like this but I just find it hard to control myself. Maybe is because I am under extreme stress, burdens, lack of rest and I am sick...

I have to go out a short while. Continue again later...