I have decided on what I have want and I will persist on...

Life is tough, continuing and maintaining a relationship is even tougher. Before I meet this special one, I really thought that relationship was just like a journey of which you walk with this specific person, and whatever that trip us and make us fall are meant for us to face them together, but I was wrong.

And now, after I meet this special one, I know that though it's hard and chances of success are rather low and challenging, but I would like to really once again proclaim my decision. "Dear, I have decided on what I want, you are the one whom I have chosen to build my dream home together with. We both dream to have a warm, sweet and happy family, I am sure that if we persists on, we can fulfill this dream together."

Maybe right now, there are problems which we have to overcome before we could even have that basic faith in this relationship, but I really hope that no matter how tough, the 2 of us, could really finish this journey together, without regrets and pain again.

As for my life, rather going through ups and downs. No matter how hard I try to convince myself, I really couldn't accept that "extra" family member in my family, my stepfather. He is much naive than what I thought, thinking that my Mum obey him and so naturally, I have to follow whatever he says and go as according to his set of "rules" which seems rather ridiculous.

Girls are not suppose to stay out later than 8pm, Guys are not suppose to even pierce one ear hole, and we are not suppose to bring friends back and etc. What kind of era are we living in right now? Does all these still matters? To me, I would definitely give my kids their own fair share of freedom but at the same time, disciplining them and ensure they know what they are suppose to do and not to do. When it's time to play and have fun, I will allow them to have fun. However, when it's time to be disciplined and enforce the rights and wrongs, I will have to be stern.

Today, dealt with someone whom is not related to me, but in future, if the relationship works out, we are going to be in one family, J.S, who is only around 9 years old this year. He is a pampered kid, who is quite sensible yet naughty and playful at times. I have no alternatives but to use force on him when he keep insisting his way, and even hurt the person whom I really care alot.

Results, hurt my right thumb and now, I can't apply force on it or bend it, 3 scratches on my left arm and bruises on right arm. I could say that, if he is not the brother of whom I care, I would have just given him one great punch on his face to shut him up. Violence, Impatience are stuff which I know I have to work on, and I am really seeking for His help to assist me in overcoming these little flaws of mine. I wish, I hope, I know and I definitely dream that God, my great Father would help me in overcoming all these and end of the day, I will be a proud art piece of my Father Lord.

I am in love with you.

I am in love, but I am not sure if this love is made to last or made to die off. Recently, there's just a major turning point, someone leave the love entanglement and I am finally holding the person whom I love's hand alone. Though I am suppose to feel glad, I feel scared instead.

"Sometimes When We Touch" by Olivia, is a song which I recently gets to hear by accident, a song which reminds me of this love. I know how much she loves me, but I know she loves him more. Though the love between her and him have ended, nobody knows if the love will patch up again. Nobody knows what will happen in future, no matter how much I wish to continue this love, with my effort alone, will it works?

What is love exactly? Falling in love with her has made me braver and stronger, but the more I get out of this relationship, instead of asking for more, I become afraid of losing them all. I have no idea how to prove my love and sincerity to her, whatever I can do/say, I have really done my best. Because of love, I withdraw from a group which I know will worries her, I give her all my free time and whatever which she needs.

I know how it feels to be lonely and in a world of darkness, I let her go through such pain alone once before, there's not going to be the 2nd time. No way, would I allow myself to leave you behind again.

Time flies...

The past is really gone and the new is here. I believe once I finally return to where I belong, it will be a new start in my life and I will welcome the new chapter of my life and spiritual life. With such new chapter, I believe I will rightful walk out of my past and enter the new life.

Am looking forward to the new start of my life, and I am really curious to find out who will be the leads in my life. Of course, I would like to take this chance to truly walk out of my past mistakes, I dun deny that I had greatly made alot of mistakes but this will be the time when I turn over to a new start.

I am thankful for all the concern and love which I have been showered on all these while. "I am really glad for all of ur love in my life, without each of your, I won't be here at where I am now." Someone speak to me lately about my goals and dreams of life, this made me can't help thinking, where can I go from this point of my life cross road.

I am afraid to have the same old things happening in my lfie again, but yet, I know that even if I really fall again, I have to be strong and brave to pull myself up because nothing can defeats me. All these while, I got puzzled too by the kind of route I wanna walk on for the rest of my life journey, I dun know what I want, should I head towards Music or Business?

As for the romance area, I would rather say, I really hope that things will just stay where it is, because the more we try to resolve some problems, more problems erupt. I have really done my best in giving you all my happiness, but would you just receive it and not looking into my small little mistakes.