Life is like a Merry-Go-Round

I am turning 19 in a few more weeks, I can't help but really ask myself so far, for my past 19 years of life, what have I been doing? I am spiritually 1 year old, and of course, I really wonder have I been growing for this one year or have I just being spending my life with my own vision, pretending to be a Christian and not living my life as a Christian.

I have seen numerous people who attend Church service, and of course, these people claim and declare to be Christian but actually deep inside, they are just hypocrites who put up a fake mask. And these people, always like to hide among the crowds, and even Church. Such people have their own greed and sinful desires. Yet in front of others, they hide themselves and will always deny their sinful thoughts and behavior.

Alot of times, I ask myself who am I and who God is to me. I am a sinner, a child who have fallen short of God's standard. In the past, before I come to know Christ, I have done many numerous and endless mistakes, but knowing that God's grace is forever enough for me, enough for me to start my life anew and enough for me get over the past. Starting my life anew in Christ, is the greatest Love I have ever received.

All these while, I met alot of new people in my life, some of them condemn me with my past mistakes and some accepted my past and help me to move on, starting everything anew. So what is a true friend? A true friend is someone who accept your past and background, yet dun condemn you wth them but help you to get over them and start everything anew to move on. I have met all types of people, some put up a fake mask in front of me and pretend to be kind and loving but behind my back, slander me, gossip about me and scold me...

And these people include even someone whom I have know for 4 years, seriously, I know alot of people wonder why I will make sure myself stop trusting that person if that person betray my trust for 3 times. 3 chances is all I ever give, the reason is very simple, even a friend who claim to be a great buddy of you, always like to say those mushy stuff to you and tell you how much that person treasure you as a buddy, similarly, how mushy those words she said in front of you, can be how sour, how ridiculous and how crappy behind you.

For my past 18 years before coming to faith of life, I felt that I have wasted my life away... Never did I realize, the greatest mistakes I have made is entrusting myself to the wrong type of people. I followed the wrong the group and eventually lead myself into destructions lifestyle. But thank God for a little girl, she brought me to Christ and thus, here I am, serving in Hope Church.

Alot of times, I do have struggles, on whether my love for someone or even my Love and Faithfulness for God. I am curious to find out how much I am willing to do and give for the sake of my Love. And most of all, even now, knowing that I want to just focus on one, my heart is no longer as obedient as it is suppose to be...

And from now, how am I going to lead the rest of my life?I want to just live a life that will glorify God and live my life to the fullest... Yes, I once gave up on my life because I didn't see the vision that God wants me to see, and because the person whom is rather important to me, choose to deny me in front of her friends. Though I said before, being lover in name is not important to me, because what I care about is the fact in reality...

I had an bad and deep fall sum time ago, it was a very painful fall.... I really thought that I couldn't pick myself up again but God shows that it's possible... Leanne, someone whom I know on 1st of January, 12.28am during the X2 Year End event, she influence me alot for alot of areas. Leadership, vision of life, love for people even when they fail us and alot more... Alot of times, when I feel like giving up and just withdraw myself from everything, God would always encourage me through her. And just like what she wrote on an card for me on my Baptism, "God knows how to send ppl to spur me!"