I dun wanna talk about the past anymore... Please spare me...

It has been a long time since I last updated my blog... Have really gone through alot... It has been a very tiring period for me... CNY, has been quite a irritating one but rather peaceful one. I had alot of breakthrough... First, I finally visited my Dad's side de relatives after 2 years and I managed to speak to them for the very first time since my Dad's death... Yes, I hated them and I will always be like a mute even when I was still visiting them... This time round was really different... Everyone treat me like Alien and especially, my twins cause she is giving birth real soon... Everyone changed...

And what really worries me is my Grandpa's health. I dun know how to describe his condition but right now, he is one of my great worries... There's nothing I can do for him but pray for his recovery... Next, I made my very first attempt in wearing skinnys... All along, I hate to wear tight fitting stuff, and asking me to wear such thing, to me, it's disgusting but I wore it... On my CNY's service... Received quite a handful of good comments... Seems like I must really wear more skinnys le...

Haix... But at same time, I am really stressed up... And I believe that God is really speaking to me through Pastor Jeff... Yesterday's sermon was "Handling Stressful Times" and I was really touched...

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD wil renew their strength. They will sor on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Isaiah 40:29-31

These verses really touched my soul... Yes, I should trust in God and rest on Him. With faith in God, I will soar like eagles, finish running the race strongly with my Unit, CG and this church.

Back to yesterday's stuff. It was really a day full of tests. I had 4 visitors and I really couldn't handle them all by myself. The 2 guys-Chu Jie and Kim Leng reached Somerset at near to 2.45pm, I went to meet them first then got James to come over to assist me. Before there during Shepherding, I really had a great disturbance and my mood went through ups and downs... First, Joline called me and told me that Jing Er is feeling sad over why didn't I sms or call her for so long... I was reluctant to call her but was being forced to do so. I called her and she is okay, and as she was alone at home, I asked her out and invite her to join me at service.

Soon, I received a call from a girl whom I later realized is Joyce (Nicole's friend) and she told me that Jing Er is cutting herself and drinking beer. Both Jasmine and I was stunned and lost. Just as I was really feeling quite fed up, I have to stressed over how to handle that 2 guys. And when I am about to go crazy, Xiu Zhen advised to hand the guys over to James and I did so. Joyce called me then and told me that they will still be coming to Church.

As the guys reached first, I went to meet up with them and I brought them to Plaza Singapura with Jasmine and Yoke Ling... They were really a headache and I had a hard time babysitting them... After James reached, we rushed back to Centrepoint. And as my girls reached le, I have no spare time to stroll with the guys, and asked James to help take care of them... After meeting up with my girls, I brought them to meet up with Jasmine and Yoke Ling.

Jing Er drove me mad when I realized she is all along sniffing glue from her house till there, I smashed her can and I nearly slapped her for that. I am angry but simply because I dun like people who abuse themselves and do such foolish thing when she is only 16 this year. She did something out of my expectations, hugged me outside the OG next to Centrepoint and I was feeling really awkward about it... Jasmine and Yoke Ling saw and they were observing all along...

During service, James sat with my guys pretty behind from me... While I sat with my girls... They were very tired and especially for Jing Er, she seems to have wander off to an alien land... She was always at daze... And this worries me because I dun know what is wrong with her... And after everything ended, we went to Cineleisure to have our dinner... They both sat another table... I spoke to Xiu Zhen and she said alot of encouraging and supportive things to me, I am really glad that she have high hopes on me and I am capable of achieving something in her eyes... Thank God for her...

After that short conversation with her, I went off with my girls and while on train, Jing Er did something really crazy... She just suddenly asked me if she can hugged me and before I can respond, she pulled me into her arms and hugged me tightly... I couldn't struggle out because I dun know the way out... And with people staring at us, she continue to hug me when I am feeling damm awkward... I wanted to use all my strength to struggle out but as she was like going to cry, thus, I just let her to rest on me...

Whew... Seriously, I really hope she dun like me because she is just a sister to me... "Jasmine, Priscillia, Rebecca, Lao Ma, Xiu Zhen and u, dun worry, I will keep a distance away from her and I won't give her false hopes or do anything that will let her get the wrong idea." I am serious in being faithful and I won't do anything wrong with her...

Something which is bothering me right now is... Talking things out face-to-face in front of my leaders and her shepherd, Joyce... Haix... "Joyce" this name has really been playing quite a marvellous role in my life man... I dun wish to talk about that silly relationship anymore... I really dun wish... I dun wish her to lose anything, especially the trust of her dearest shepherd when I know that her shepherd matters alot to her... I have done enough damage to her life, I dun wish to give her any more problems... Just let everything ends here, can we?

The fact that I dun wish to mention is also because I have nothing much to say about it anymore... No matter is what have gone wrong, it takes 2 hands to clap... I know my mistakes and I believe deep inside her heart, she do feel bad about her own mistakes... But can we just stop discussing about it? I just want to focus on nothing but my spiritual growth, I want to rise up as leader, my studies and my band... Nothing else... Dun wanna talk about anything or anyone else...