What am I suppose to do to help dis sleeping beauty?

I realize it's always too late to wake up and know that you have done something wrong or you have passed by something which may results you to regret for the rest of your life... And this is something which have recently happen to me...

I had an ex, by the name of Cassie (short) and I knew her when I was 16 on a Christmas night at Boat Quay together with a group of secondary school friends and even when I am with another ex by the name of Jacelyn. She used to be a girl full of joy and despite the fact that her life was in a mess at that time, she is always full of joy, courage and will inspire me to move on even when I was feeling down. She is always there for me, when I am troubled and tired but never once am I there when she needed me.

Even after we got together, I failed her times again and have only disappoint and hurt her but she will always forgive me and continue to stay by my side to love me. Maybe in alot of people's eyes, she is just a girl who work in those indecent places thus, that makes her indecent too but I have never thought of her like this before. To me, she is no difference with other girls, and I knew that she is someone who love herself and will protect herself. Though I always got sensitive about her job, I knew that eventually, I still have to accept her and everything about her including her job.

She did all that she can to compromise as according to my wish, force herself to go places with me which I knew she dun like, watch movies with me which she dun understand, listen to music which make her doze off yet she still accompany me through all these because she wanna spend time with me. When I am sick, injured, she will always be there by my side to take care of me, endure with all my bad tantrums and no matter how badly or harsh I treated her, nothing could stop her from coming near to me.

We broke up because I went into another relationship with someone else whom I dun wanna mention, and I am the one at fault. Even so, throughout these recent years and months, she have never leave my side for far and will always be at nearby. She know every move of mine and even my recent relationship details which I dun understand why and how she knew. And just on 22nd of March, I eventually lead her to suicide and I really didn't know what have happened to her till I met her sister at hospital.

She was wheel chair bounded due to an accident, she gave up on her life and only hope is that I would return to her, to be there for her, to encourage her, support her and be with her. I didn't know all these, and now she is in coma due to excessive dosage of sleeping pills mixed with drugs and alcohol. What am I suppose to do? It breaks my heart to see her lying there, someone who used to be full of joy, always jumping and dancing around is now lying on the bed motionless... Doctor is unable to conclude whether she is fine or not unless she get out of this coma...

Haix... It seems like and will be a long process to her full recovery, and I really wonder how am I suppose to help her through if she refuse to get herself out of this coma... It has been the 4th day since she got hospitalized and got into coma... I am going tired and weary despite it's only 4 days... My eye bags are getting heavier and worsen alot daily... My flu awhile got better and awhile torture me like mad and I seriously wish to recover asap...

One thing for sure, one day she do not recover, I will not be able to laugh with joy and be at ease... I am responsible for her though I have never thought that she would be so silly to just commit suicide just because I gave her cold shoulder, be harsh to her or keep rejecting her for her request to return to my side... Like what Hong Koon said, it's not worth... Whether is it worth doing so for the sake of me or etc, she is too foolish le...

I dun deny that I still remember those times I had with her, but it's all past and now, my focus is just on my CG, Unit, School, Bands, Choir, Family, Health, Friends (Close), God and of course, to be honest, the girl whom I still can't withdraw out of my heart. Whether it is in whatever form of relations, one thing that nobody can deny is that we are all God's creations and in one family of Christ. As for my relations with Cassie, whatever it will be, I just want her to get out of this coma soon, the rest, we shall just talk after she recover...

This is a life, I have witness how brittle life was, and I know how precious 1 life is to God, I dun wish to just give up on a life like this. And that's why I find myself damm stupid beyond words description to slid my wrist over a "Btihc" who toyed with my feelings, deceive me with her tears and promises. And it's because of her, I become damm sensitive and indirectly hurt a little girl who just want a shoulder to rest on, a arms to be in when she's hurt and someone to be there for her when she needs...

If only time would be turn back, would everything still be at this state for me?

Despite all these misfortunates, I am still glad to be in this CG of mine. Though earlier, I was having some minor misunderstandings, but like what Xiu Zhen said, it takes 2 hands to clap, maybe I should also reflect on myself. Whatever it is, it's all past and I believe through this coming camp, the bondings me and my CG will definitely get closer. And I just wanna affirm my shepherd, no matter how close I am to my spiritual bud, no matter what had happened or may happen, you will always be my shepherd and someone whom I will always treasure in my life. Dun misunderstand when I turn to Leanne, it's different, she is more than a leader to me, but a friend whom I can rest on, and is just a very close friend who is close to my heart and so close till I will always affirm of the promise I had with her, our shared vision.

You and this CG will always be in my heart, and be the one of the most important factors in my life which keeps me going when I am weary and tired. CG is my refuge other than church because I know that whatever that will happen or I may have done wrong in some areas, my CG will always be there for me... And for this, I really appreciate everyone of those who are inside my CG... Whether it is you, my current shepherd who will always protect me and comfort me when I am hurt... Yoke Ling (Lao Ma) whom will give me advices when I am lost, support me when I am discouraged... Hui Yin whom brought me to this CG... Jol whom will always bicker with me, whom I will like to tickle and whom will never fails to bring a smile to my face... Xiu Zhen whom I will always respect, trust and learn from... Even those whom I didn't mention here, all of your are precious to me and this is what I wanna affirm each of you...