MVP - Most Valuable Player

It has always being an honorable achievements to be awarded as MVP of the Match. Personally for me, I have only got this honorable title for only once and it was when I was 18 years old and it happens last year. It was an crazy week for me because I led an team of great members through different matches of Floorball, Soccer and Basketball. Something which that little girl expected, I hurt myself in the floorball match, when my feet got swollen like an trotter. When I got awarded the MVP, I asked myself, have I done my best in this match? And of course, I presented the MVP trophy to someone whom I respected most, my coach who have left Singapore and is now settling down at Perth with his family.

Since then, I stop touching Sports even till now, I believe I have lost touch of the Basketball and even the basic skills and tactic for Basketball. Floorball has always being something I excel in, same thing, I have lost touch of it too ever since I last played in the Match. To me, to defeat someone whom I detest, the easiest and best way is to defeat that person through Basketball Match. But I realized now my passion is not Basketball anymore, but Dance. I challenge people and settle all misunderstandings through Dance. Like what is being showed in "Step Up 2", they compete with each other with their dance skills to decide who is stronger and to defeat people they detest.

Similarly, I am using such tactic instead of the initial Basketball Match because my passion is in Dance now. I can sacrifice my time and sleep to practice Dance, but I can't do so for Basketball. Alot of times, I really ask myself where is my passion exactly, Fashion, Photography, Foods & Beverage, Business or Music? One cannot be too greedy, and I know I can only concentrate on one area. Like what I told my shepherd, I will focus entirely on Music for now, after I achieve what I aim to, I will move on to Fashion. China is a great place for me to establish my Fashion Kingdom because honestly speaking, the people there has really poor fashion sense.

For my future, I have no idea but at least for now, I am dead sure that Music is all I ever want to focus on now. As for whether my passion is on Dance or Basketball, I will still be setting up the Music Workshop and the Basketball Team.

My day today is rather amazing. I hurt someone without realizing and only realize it after reflecting on what I have done today. Knowing that it will hurt her when I mention another girl (further more is someone who is interested in me), I was on the phone with this specific girl, M when I meet her up. To worsen the situation, the girl called me here and there, when I was with her, though she didn't say anything much but from the way she spoke to me and her behavior, I know she is hurt inside, just that she dun want to tell me.

I know her for 6 years, she have being stubborn for 6 years too, stubborn in the area whereby she will not want to tell me that she is hurt and would always use a smile to hide everything to herself. And of course, this will only shows me how selfish I am for not being sensitive enough to realize what have I done. As for why I am with her in the first place, not much specific reason.

Something worsen my day was my shepherd. Somehow, she like to play a game with us and which is MIA. Of course, I dun blame her because I understand how she feels but I believe there is better ways of resolving everything than being out of contact. Alot of times, we often step on each other's toes, is either she do something that upset me or I do something that upset her. Seriously, to be honest, I dun understand what on Earth is she thinking and feeling too. Maybe we really have alot in difference but one thing for sure that I dun understand is that, (forget it, I shall not mention here).

I gave her chance of course, because I know that no one is perfect and that everyone will make mistakes and we grow from our mistakes. No one is to condemn one another because we are all sinners but why still is she escaping? It's not the one who failed her's fault, nor the shepherd's fault for not comforting her but the greatest enemy in her world is herself. She is condemning herself and she is moving on with her mistakes. I forgave her and I can of course forgive her this time round again, but so what if I forgive her? Would she be able to move on and know where she should work on?

It's true that she is my shepherd and I should be encouraging and supporting her along, but what makes sum people to think that I am not doing so? Whatever that I can help her in, I have done them all even assisting her to look out for Hui Yin and for myself, I make sure I dun misbehave. I understand that there are people who sow discord between me and my shepherd, told her stuff that I dun respect her thus, I dun account to her but is that the truth? The reason why I dun bother to clear this misunderstanding because I believe God know what I am doing and He know who is right and wrong. At His timing, He will punish the evil ones and these people are those who go around to spread rumors, gossips, sow discord and to slander and reward those who do things of His Will...

Whatever I am doing, I believe I will live my life of His will and I will glorify Him and bring people around me to His righteous Court. And last but not least, my shepherd.

Jasmine, if you are reading this entry, I really hope you will pull yourself up soon. You are my shepherd, I know it isn't easy for you to handle the kind of pain that you are enduring now. But I believe you are able to pass through this trial that God has given you. Like what Hong Koon, Yoke Ling and Li Ping like to tell me, God will not gives us trial which we can't passed through. Alot of times, people will fail us, but it's okay because we know that God will never fail us, isn't it? God gives us sheeps, for us to learn from their mistakes, to correct them, to love them, to guide them and to lead them.

It is definitely expected that sheeps will misbehave, do something wrong or fail us, but are we going to fall and stumble when they do so? If it is suppose to be this way, then why did God bother to give us Sheeps? To see His leaders fall and stumble? No, God is a loving Father of ours, He gives us trials to strengthen us, He gives us Sheeps to encourage us and to learn and to guide people. I used to be a shepherd before I transfer over, in fact, I used to be a CL. I know how it fails when your people fail you. The CG I used to be leading is around 12 girls, and they are all studying in Schools like Victoria JC, Anderson JC, Raffles Girls School, all "branded" schools while I was just studying in NAFA.

I am only a 3 months Christian when I took over the CG as CL, I was very frightened initially when I took over because I doubt my ability to lead. But later on, Pastor Joyce spoke to me, she told me, why should I doubt myself? Since God called me and entrust the CG to me, it proves that He have His plans for me and I should have faith in Him and His plans. Since then, I did my best in leading them. Alot of times, is either this or that girl will give me problems like, BGR, there was once when half of my girls turned away from God and I was very depressed. But I didn't fall because I know that I can't fall, if I fall, what is going to happen to the other half?

I am not trying to say that you can't fall because you still have to lead me. It is normal for even leaders to stumble and fall but you should learn something from the fall. Do you want to know how I eventually brought the other half back? It's through Love. I didn't force them, or to keep pestering them. I will always leave a note at their blog, MSN or even to the extend of their doorstep even when they stay in different areas like, Bedok, Tampinese, Hougang, Chua Chu Kang and Pasir Ris. I wil always encourage them, and I told them, that I believe one day, they will eventually come back to God.

Love is a very powerful thing, it can build up a person and it can destroy a person too. You witness how Wan Ting nearly destroy me completely but thanks to you, Leanne and Li Ping, I am still intact and still standing strong and firm in God's court. It was a struggle for me to give up my title in LYnC (ex-church youth ministry) to come over to Hope and start all over again, but I still came because of Love. Over here, through this CG, I felt loved and I saw what Love is all about. Maybe alot of people wonder if I come over for the sake of Wan Ting or not, I dun deny, she is part of the reason but she is not the main reason. It's the people whom made me know what God's grace and Love is about and it's here where I found myself falling deeper and deeper in love with God.

In case you wanna know what happen when I told my CG and my Pastor that I wanna come over to Hope Church, I shall tell you here. Of course, they were sad about my departure but they know that I am leaving for God's sake. I leave to grow up stronger in Christ, I leave to foster my bonds with God and I leave for God's purpose. The last time when I went for the Service, everyone cried and prayed for me. I was very touched when my ex-shepherd told me this, "LYnC will always be opening a door for you, it will always be a refuge which you can turn to and we will always be here for you." And just previously, a few days ago, I chat with my ex-shepherd and she told me that she have left the ministry and is serving in Adults le. After chatting with a few of my girls, then I know that there has been alot of restructuring. Pastor Joyce is no longer leading the Youth Ministry but a new Pastor whom I forgotten the name. And most of the members are rather unstable due to sudden restructuring.

To be honest, even after I left the Church, I was still in contact with them. I would meet the girls up and I would even teach them the teachings that I learnt here and they will share their day with me. It's just like another form of "shepherding," at first, I was really afraid that it may be wrong. But later, when I see their growth and changes in their life, I know that it may be wrong in some sense but it's a good thing that I have change people's lives with God's will and with the stuff that I have learnt.

Therefore, Jasmine, be strong and remember, you have contributed to the changes in my life, though alot of times, our decisions dun meet but still, one thing will never change, you are my shepherd and you did teach me alot. I dun and wun force you. When you are ready to open up yourself, tell me, I will help you. Dun be afraid to tell me your emotions and problems, I have experienced something worst le...

Remember, no matter what happen, grow from your mistakes and move on. I will always be there to support and help you. Be strong.

Mattew 18: 10-14