What am I suppose to do?

Alot of stuff have been happening to me or in my world since the day I came back from the recent chalet... Let's talk about some stuff that happen today.

Amazingly, a guy by the name of Mr. Ooi, made the later day of mine lyk hell. He totally destruct my day when I was just trying to bring myself to peace. No need to wonder, this person is my stepfather. I have never seen anyone who is so unreasonable and petty. Just because my mum came home late as she was helping my Sis to take care of my nephew, he threw temper like as though my Mum did something gravely wrong... Which I think is really dumb...

We had some sort of have some arguments and verbal harsh exchange, I can't stand anyone who insult my Mum or say anything bad/harsh about her. We quarreled and I suppose he lost the argument and that's why he then left and wen to my step-grandmother's house. Seriously, I really wonder why such a guy exists in this world... True enough, a hungry man is a angry man, but never did I expect such petty and unreasonable guy exists and have to be my stepfather...

Of course, this seriously reflects a question to me. What kind of family I hope to build up and start in future? Would I want to have a family of friends staying together and living together, growing old together and walking this life journey and spiritual race together? Or would I be adpoting a child and bringing the child up, cultivating a good descendant of this world? Or both? I have my own dreams and as Leanne encourage us, dream big and keep dreaming...

My dreams is to have a house in Vienna, to be surrounded by Musicians, and the beautiful and mystery Music History and Arts Culture. It do not need to be a grand mansion but just a house enough for me to live. And to spend my days, composing Music, designing Bags, Shoes, Dresses and all types of Clothings and even to establishing my own Fashion Label. Regardless how heavy the price it is, this is my dream of life and I really hope to fulfill this dream before I leave this world to meet God...

Music has always being a necessities in my life, and never did I expected myself to develop a interest for Fashion too. Especially knowing the fact that I s**ks in Drawing, thus, the more, I can't accept the fact that I am interested in Fashion. And yes, I suppose after I pursue my interest in Music, I will pursue Fashion. I believe it's going to be tough because I can't draw well but I will definitely do my very best and leave myself not even a corner for regrets.

However, one of my concerns now is my family. Would I be able to go all out to pursue my dreams and not committing as much as I am now to the Family? It all started with a word, "Promise," I promise my late Dad that I will guard, protect, take care of this family well. This family is the reason why I have to be strong and no matter what, I have to guarding everyone of this family from Mr. Ooi. I dun care whatever bullshit business he do outside the family, but it definitely is my concern if he try to play a joke on my family and especially with their safety.

Not forgetting about my commitments in Church, I made a promise to myself and my leaders that I will rise up and not just for the sake of my leaders, I want to shine among everyone. Maybe in alot of people's eyes, I am still young and ignorant in Christ but, all I want to say is, maybe I didn't join Hope Church longer than anyone whom I know so far in Church, but like what that has being taught. Spiritual maturity do not relies on Spiritual Age, one can be 10 years Christian but still the level of Maturity is still at the day of Conversion.

I believe that I am able to do so, because I have being called and most importantly, God has called me to be. I can see myself leading and I believe that God has called me to be a leader. Maybe right now, I have alot of areas which I need to improve on, espcially my patience. ALot of times, I realized I will be very worried that things may not goes as according to what I plan and want, but till now then I realize, these worries are just extra burdens that I have for myself. I suppose I was badly influence by that little girl, perfectionist - someone who expect everything to be perfect, regardless is studies, or any sort of stuff in my life.

And that's why I will tend to get impatient when things are nt going according to my plans, e.g. during the recent Chalet. Alot of things didn't goes according to what I wanted too, but I didn't give up because I believe this is just part of God's trial for me. I believe I need to change in this area, it's good to seek perfection standard in everything I do, but too cautious in such areas, do tire people whom I work with too, and may also cause stress in a few areas too. I believe by God's grace, He will strengthen me through the people around me, and through the different trials and opportunities that He is going to expose to me.

Soon or later, I believe I will be able to be a leader who is shining among the crowd, I will be the one leading instead of the one following, I will be the one guiding instead of following blindly. To be a Leader who love the people, who guide the people, to help the people, to take care of the people and to lead them well is what I want.

My birthday wish, is a foolish one but I know it's very tough for me to fulfill it. I want to just be at the Singapore Flyer with the person whom I want to... And of course, I have alot of birthday wish.

1st, my Sis and her family to be happy, safe and healthy.
2nd, my nephew to grow up strongly, healthy and happy
3rd, my closed and loved ones to be happy and healthy
4th, to move on to a higher level of standards in my leadership, music and arts skills
5th, to fulfill the people whom I care 's dreams and to be by their side always, regardless day or night, rain or shine.