New Responsibilties V.S New Identity =)?

Recently started a new chapter of my life, with a brand new identity and new responsibilites. Changes are really painful like what Ace told me, but changes are brought into our lives to enable us to breakthrough and to grow... Though it seriously wasn't easy for me to handle these changes, but am thankful that God has been faithful enough to pull me through and strengthen me when I am shivering with fear.

I used to think that death isn't somthing which is fearful, but after the recent experiences of near escape from death, I realized it's really scary. Just at that moment, if I didn't persisted, maybe I will be happier right now because I will be free, I will be with Jesus but that would means I will be separated from my loved ones which I still dun bear to leave yet. Through this escape from death, I will treasure the people around me even more preciously because they are God's greatest gifts to me.

Heart of problem is the problem with heart, I love this sentence because it shows me what exactly goes wrong when things are done wrongly in my life. I used to be very persistent in pursuing my own rights and of course, my freedom. I dun like to be tied down and maybe this is one bad reason why I was never faithful in any of my past relationships until I was badly and deeply hurt by someone.

Someone asked me a great question recently, "Did Wan Ting give you birthday wishes? Did she celebrate with you?" What should I answer this question with? She celebrated with me with her ruthless and ignorance. I am sure she remember my birthday, because it was written in her personal planner and calendar but of course, expected the ignorance. Yes, I am quite upset bcux I didn't receive her birthday wishes but what the Love which I have received that day has far exceeded the pain I have got from her.

Esplanade Rooftop, my favorite hideouts, a place which I will go when I am upset, angry, tired of life, fed up or happy. Have never expected to have a great night with my loved ones there on my birthday. Previous night, spent it with someone precious to me. It was a very memorable night and though it was short but it was long enough to make me remember forever. And of course, Leanne's birthday song to me, surprised me too. That kind of smile, is the kind of smile which I didn't see for a long tym... That night is definitely a great night for most of us,though Wan Ting wasn't with me.

Right now, am facing choices of life. 2 years later, there is going to be a major decision which I have to make. How the rest of my life is going to be will depends on that very day when I have to make that decision. At the same time, am going to inherite my Dad's inheritance which I am not excited about. Not excited because I dun want to be controlled or make any decisions from there with Money. Maybe some of those which are near me would be excited about this inheritance but how I am going to use this inheritance, I am in fact halfway planning it.

Part of it will goes into my Mum, I know she is not having a easy time to bring us up. She told me alot of stuff which seriously shows me that all these money which I am going to inherite, each cent of it are earned by my Dad's sacrifices and sweat and blood. She dun want me to repeat her mistake and thus wants me to start planning it early. Business, I have being informed recently that my uncle wants me to help out in his company when I am old enough to handle major stuff. Which means, I will have to get myself involved in Business industry when I am 21.

I am only 19 but the stuff which I am handling and planning is already till 21 years old. I know all these plannings and decisions is not going to be fixed but I dun want to start planning when it's too late. I have experienced the last minute preparations and planning for some major stuff in my life, I dun want to repeat my mistake. It's time for me to really have some serious thoughts about my life and future. In fact, I am even thinking about my career prospect le, which seems to ridiculous.

I know that reality and dreams, there's always a difference but "Dream Big" and I believe God will help me through. I have been called, I heard His calling and I will definitely respond to the Call... I am very excited about the future, to re-discover God's will and Plan for me. Just had a short chat with Leanne and got inspired by her spirit. Despite the fact that she have to juggle with alot of stuff, regardless is her students' academic, the packed tuition schedule, church ministry and etc, she is excited about how God has called her to serve and I do believe that she will really have a great time with God moulding her yet using her to serve others.

Right now is the Mid Year Examinations for Students and Freshman Harvest Period, though I am not being kept as busy as her, but I do understand the kind of busy schedule and feeling. I believe she can pull through because God is with her. Life can be really demanding at times, but all these are never impossible with God. He won't put us through trials which we can't handle and pass through...

Therefore, though this period may be tiring for me, I believe God will mould me into someone useful of His Call. And I shall make use of my life to glorify God and to love all those around me.